everything is getting so frustrating lately... i don't want to think i'm running out of luck because i never had it in the first place... it is more of me doing everything the way i want and not really caring about the results and consequences...

but this time its different... there's so much responsibility that i have to face... i have to work my ass off, support my girlfriend in every single aspect, take care of myself, and stay sane... for the hatred of hell, i'm only 20 and a mere human! i'm no superhero!

nowadays, nothing seems to be working the way i want them to... of course i always have alternatives to reach my goal but i'm already running out of options and i'm still failing...

plus the fact that no one's really helping out effectively...

i haven't ran out of problems for the past seven months... looks like i'm their new favorite and they want to stay with me for good... so now, i have too many problems to worry about simultaneously...

yes, i am complaining... my problems are now more than just your typical josh valmont matters of the heart... its already the problems a grown up usually has...

grown up... that sucks... i'm too young for that kind of responsibility yet that's exactly the situation i am in right now...

i don't want people to think i'm neglecting this blog... its just that livejournal is more appropriate to my needs... and it seems to me that no one's reading this thing anymore...

but at least i've got a place to trash all my thoughts...

all this political hype is so annoying... its just another election! its another chance for those pathetic politicians to spend the people's money to cheat their way into a position to get more money in the process...

goddamn it...

honestly, i don't think the philippines deserves a democratic form of government... this country was granted democracy by stupid americans who just wanted the filipinos to believe that they are smart and civilized enough to decide what's good for themselves and their country... by the way things have been going, filipinos have no idea how the hell they are actually leading themselves into self-destruction because they are not ready to run a country...

Lips of an Angel
Hinder

Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those wordsa it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late

what's left for me to put down in words?

i have already said everything i wanted to say... although it honestly disappoints me that nobody seems to care about my feelings (aside from a selected few), i respectfully leave that be... this is the new age... the age wherein you do what you want to do and people will only notice you once you have reached that pedestal of success...

how can crab mentality be a part of human nature? ah... evolution...

going through my post archives reveals how much of my "wisdom" has deteriorated... i have lost my clever word play and i have lacked depth in my thoughts...

somehow i have become a moron... at least, in my standards...

yet that seeming deterioration also reflects how much of my former temper has been mellowed... although i still throw a fit, i now have the tendency to calm down after a couple of minutes...

at least i'm showing some improvement...

lately i have noticed that i have been quite "slow" in understanding things... it now takes me some time before my brain can actually process explanations or simple instructions... oftentimes i just stare blankly and think of nothing...

i do not think that there is something wrong with me... i believe this is just caused by the psychological stress i have been going through and my body reacted with all this influx of physiological problems...

maybe i need to recover my brain cells...

after countless years, i suddenly decided to go to church this afternoon... aside from being in dire need of help, i wanted to get in touch with my spiritual side once again...

the recent events of my life somehow made me find my way back to Him... its funny, actually, how it happened... i won't give the details, though... let's just say the Stewards of Heaven all went down to earth to come to my aid and saved my life...

but as soon as i got there, i realized i came there not to seek help but to praise and thank Him...

it was very relieving... i feel like i'm an entirely new person...

what i'm most thankful for?

i'm still with my girl and we're making through the storm... we're stronger than ever and i love her like crazy...

we have already made plans about our future together... we've been saving up money to buy a house, discussing how many kids we want and what their names would be...

man, it feels great to actually be thinking of settling down...

i guess she's one of those Stewards... she just decided to give up her wings to be with me...

here are some snippets on the laruku convention as emailed by hydee...

L'Arc~CON:PIECES of Yesterday ~an LPFC Anniversary Special~
September 16, 2006, UP Ang Bahay ng Alumni
12:00nn-10:00 pm
program officially starts at 2:00 pm


Activities are as follows:
· Exhibition Booth - An exhibition of the Organizer's Pride Collection of original L'Arc~en~Ciel stuff and merchandise (albums, singles, dvds, posters, magazines, etc.)

· Music/Listening, Karaoke and Film Showing Booth - Several music listening area will be provided for all the fans. Also a karaoke area wherein fans can sing Laruku karaoke tunes. Plus, a chance to view rare videos and the "latest" from the band.

· Bazaar - Different anime-, manga-, Laruku-, and other Japanese-related goods from different stores will be up for grab for all fans during the event at a very reasonable price.

· Organization/ Institutions Booth - School organizations, clubs or institutions considered as an Affiliate for the event is encouraged to promote and exhibit their respective organizations.

· Fan Art Competition - A showcase of Filipino artists through original fan art and designs of L'Arc~en~Ciel and it's members.

· Cosplay Competition - Participants shall portray a certain character of their choice. There will be two (2) categories for the cosplay competition and are as follows:

o Laruku Idol Cosplay Competition - individual cosplayer shall portray any from the L'Arc~en~Ciel band members.

o Anime/Movie Laruku-related Cosplay Group Competition - group cosplayers to portray any from the L'Arc~en~Ciel- inspired anime and movie themes.

· Wall Graffiti and Commemoration Area - An area for Laruku fans to display their sincerest appreciation for the band. This section shall serve as our project for LPFC's Scrapbook activity.

· Auctions - Original pre-owned or new items of any Laruku or J-related items.

· Games - Fun-filled games to keep the camaraderie among Laruku fans.

· Laruku Concert - Five (5) hours of non-stop Japanese Music as the ten (10) performing Filipino J-Coverer bands play L'Arc~en~Ciel music.

Filipino J-Coverer Bands: "Laruku Concert"
Paradoxical Review
Borazuteru
Ethereal Anthem
Euphoria
tRANCE
Himitsu Heiki
Progeny
Rtschrk
Do'Ahou
Xeven:Thvrsday* watch out for their singles

damn it... i wanna attend... xeven:thvrsday's back!

i'm really sore that UST lost against UP when they friggin' won over Ateneo... it was such a close game... UST students crowded every single TV monitor all over the campus, watching the UST-UP game, accompanied by all the screams and shrieks...

if the tigers won that game, they'd be sure of a FInal Four slot... now it all depends on the other team's standings...

aki's dead...

nope, not my brother... its my mouse... yeah, the same mouse that aina gave me a couple of years ago... it died two days ago... i guess he died out of loneliness and hunger... i never bothered to buy him a mate and i always forget to feed him... maybe that's because he doesn't make a sound... he just runs around his cage biting the steel or sleeping or playing with the newspaper we use to cover the floor of his cage...

on the other hand, my dad got a new puppy yesterday... his "friend" gave it to him... its so cute! he's so fat! i don't know its breed though... i wanted to play with him but he's got fleas... lots of it... so i just constantly pat his head... he's quite friendly... he doesn't bite... and he doesn't bark at my cats! plus points for him! he doesn't have a name yet, though...

ustetika's coming up... the hell i'm joining... its fuckin' bias... the judges happen to be all professors from the faculty of arts and letters... to hell with them all...

reminds me, the tigers lost to the blue eagles by more than 40 points last weekend... stupid basketball team... i'd sell my soul to the devil if they ever win another championship in the next 50 years...

its actually bittersweet... but i'll make that my next song... one i'll personally write...

SWEETNESS
jimmy eat world

If you're listening.
Sing it back.
String from your tether unwinds.
Up and outward (but only) to bind.
I was spinning free with a little sweet and simple numbing me.
Are you listening?
Sing it back.
So tell me what do I need when the words lose their meaning.
I was spinning free with a little sweet and simple numbing me.
Yeah, stumble until you crawl.
Sinking into sweet uncertainty.
If you're listening.
Are you listening?
Sing it back.
I'm still running away.
I won't play your hide and seek game.
I was spinning free with a little sweet and simple numbing me.
What a dizzy dance.
This sweetness will not be concerned with me.
No the sweetness will not be concerned with.

guys, read this and i assure you that you won't regret it...

for those who support yaoi & yuri...

here's an excerpt:

We tell stories to keep us going. We tell the fantastic and the tragic, the horrific and the beatific. Sometimes they are the same thing. We look, time and time again, for something to believe in.

They say to write what you know. All I know is you.

Here, in a bounty of words, where I can layer myself so thickly with disguises that I will not recognize my own two eyes, I will strip to the bone for you. I will pare away flesh and blood to make myself clean for you. This is as honest as I can be. Peel away the layers I have cloaked myself in and you will find this beating heart. I will crack open this world for you and pour it into three words. They have been said before. They are no new revelation. But they are not my mold; I am theirs.

I love you when the night comes down and we are at opposite poles of the heart, separated by words so brittle they break in my mouth. I love you when the world tells me I should not and people who do not know me send their frowns to worry at the corners of my mouth. I love you when our walls are plastered with defeat and I am ready to give up on a voyage with no end. I love you when I am too tired to kiss you; I love you when I am too angry to give in to the magnet of your arms. I love you when it is too dangerous to tell you so. I love you when I tell you anyway.

Before this love I was a shell. There was happiness but there was no pain to gauge it by. I don't want a chalkboard life, where what I am is erased at the end of the day. Love changes you. You change me.

No court in the world can touch this.

click the link for more...

and yes, i am in love and never in a moment did i regret it...