Saturday, May 28, 2005
i bailed out the last time it happened... can you believe it? it was pretty stupid indeed and i still feel ashamed for doing so... thursday night, it was a different story... god damn me if i lose it all over again... i spent the whole day playing FFVII on my PS1... anything's better than hanging out in my bedroom in silence and remembering everything that happened the night before... either that or i pace to and fro, chewing on gum or practically anything i could eat... or i'd slam my head on the wall, on the fridge, and on the table... it was basically everything i could do just to avoid that glistening blade in my room... maybe i could count the time when i turned to my "handy dandy" notebook and used my fucked up emotions to write another song... i ended up writing five, i think... the evening was more of a torture chamber... i held on to the crucifix hanging on my bedpost as if it would keep my alive... come to think of it, yeah, it would seem that way... i tossed and turned on my bed all night, trying to wear myself out just so i'd be able to fall asleep... and so i'm still here...
posted at
4:38 AM
Thursday, May 26, 2005
here's a letter that i never got to send... i wrote this one three years ago... my love,
i'm really sorry i refused to talk to you last night... you see, i have my reasons for doing so... saying that, i now warn you that this letter will not contain my usual mushy words... no, my love... this is all about why i acted the way i did last night...
i simply find it irritating that you continue to talk and go out with him after telling me how much you dislike him... you even have the nerve to tell me how wonderful he is! now that doesn't sound really bad of him, right? you make it sound as if he is being the man i can never be!
i understand that you are simply being nice... after all, he is your cousin's friend... but isn't it that he has told you a dozen times that he loves you? my love, i do not blame him for falling in love with you but why do you have to entertain him?
am i missing something here?
okay, you reassured me countless of times that i will always have your heart no matter who comes along... but how can i convince myself? i can clearly see who he is now in your life! you turn to him instead of me, you go out with him as often as i can recall and you spend late nights talking to him!
then last night, just after telling me how irritating he is, you had the guts to tell me that you're having a wonderful conversation with him on the phone!
thank you for showing me how much i lack...
i know i have no right to feel this way since you are not my girlfriend... but you said so yourself that what we have is real... i told you i'd wait for the time when you'd be ready to finally commit...
but does that mean you would spend the rest of the time hurting me this way?
pardon me for saying such things...
xxxxa few weeks later, they eventually became a couple... that was the day i ruined my life and threw myself in hell... i hope i won't have to send this to anyone... ever...
posted at
6:33 AM
Saturday, May 14, 2005
you have any idea how peter parker feels when it comes to mary jane watson? hell, i do... to mj, you're just the ordinary, next door neighbor science geek peter parker... sure, you've always had that admiration for her but she just never seem to notice you... until one freak accident happened to you and you suddenly become spiderman, the local hero... your alter ego turns out to be everybody's idol all of a sudden... but poor old peter remained the class geek... one thing that that really bugged you is that mj had the hots for spiderman... okay, peter is spiderman but mj doesn't know that... so you sort of took advantage of the whole spiderman act to get near mj... and it worked... but of course, you can't keep it a secret forever... so you made up your mind and told her the truth... why? hell, the girl loves spiderman! but you can't keep her in love with a web-slinger forever... plus, you can't always be spiderman... she'll always be intrigued about how her hero really looks like... how mj reacted? you guys mind askin' my mj?
posted at
3:20 AM
Friday, May 06, 2005
may 4, 2005 (call me soft-hearted, i don't give a damn) lestat: guess i shouldn't be doin this but hey, for old time's sake... i'm sorry... aina: oh please dont be a hypocrite.. lestat: i'm not! lestat: i'm being sincere here aina: and what? aina: to find another flaw in me again aina: and publicize it? aina: oh, im sorry but im already immune to that lestat: no... lestat: i ain't gonna do that again aina: because you already did lestat: look, i didn't say much aina: oh really lestat: i'm here to apologize, okay? lestat: i'm not starting another fight aina: apologize? and why? lestat: simply because i want to lestat: and i mean it aina: oh.. you want to.. aina: or you just want to clean your reputation lestat: you know that i have no more reputation lestat: and i no longer give a damn about my reputation if i still do have it aina: same here aina: and you are the reason y lestat: me? aina: you?? oh.. no.. lestat: whether i'm the cause or not of whatever it is that happened to your life, i really do apologize aina: hmm.. ok.. if you say so.. lestat: i already told you, i'm not here to fight aina: im not starting a fight either lestat: whether you accept my apology or not, please do know that i am being sincere here aina: if you say so.. lestat: i've done what i came to do... farewell aina: ok aina: hey lestat: yeah? aina: er.. nothing.. aina: never mind lestat: what is it? lestat: if you want to cuss, its okay aina: no.. lestat: then what is it? aina: i dont really want to say this but im sorry too aina: if i ever made anything wrong to you lestat: its okay aina: im sorry... lestat: don't be aina: for everything lestat: i understand lestat: past is past lestat: just take care then...
posted at
7:53 AM
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
i'll keep you guys hanging for now... the continuation of my revelations would have to wait... for days, weeks, months, years - i don't know... point is that i won't be posting for a while... i've got my reasons... kudos! hugs, kisses and ice cream!
posted at
6:34 AM
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
who is shiren/soul reaver/josh/marcus/shuichi? that is the number one question in everybody's mind ever since... well then people, i think it is about time that i satisfy your curiosity... but before that, let me clarify that every information i have personally revealed to you is true... everything i have told you before is nothing but fact... maybe now you ask what's the point of this entry... the point of this entry is to let you into the real me... my hidden life... the things you all need to know... the things i used to deny from you... first and foremost, i am not your average teenager... my life is something even i cannot understand nor control... it remains a mystery to me... i have lived almost 19 years of my life under the influence of my parents, especially my father... i am a prince, the heir to an empire my father has long ruled over... what and where that empire is? let's just say that you are working for me and you don't even know it... donald trump? bill gates? they are under our empire and so are you... now, to my life... hold on to your seats! this is gonna be one hell of a ride... i was born in brooklyn, new york but i spent most of my life in other parts of the world... i have always been exiled by my parents... i would travel with one of my father's trusted men, depending on which country i'll be going... he then would teach me everything about that country... that was basically how my education began... despite my brilliant mind, my father discouraged me from attending school... he would always tell me that "real lessons are learned in life and not in classrooms"... he would always have books for me to read since according to him, "only a reader can learn what a teacher can only dictate"... part of those lessons that my father taught me is the "reality survival" - to kill or be killed... we choose the former... at the age of eight, i killed a man much older than me... and yes, i can still remember how i did it - swiftly, so as not to prolong his agony... since then, i have lost count of exactly how many people i have killed... do not be afraid though because i do not kill innocent people... i only slay those who do me - and the people i care about - wrong... since the first time i killed someone, my mother has dedicated her life to praying for my soul... she believes i am already destined to go to hell... but i am not raised to be just a murderer... when i was only two years old, i managed to play one of mozart's composition... what's the catch? i cannot read notes and up to now, i still do not know how... i only managed to do it by merely listening... my father then developed my music skills and i have learned to play every song exactly the same way - just by listening to it... since i was not allowed to speak my thoughts to anyone but my parents, i turned to writing... you understand that i simply cannot tell my parents everything... i was so young with so many things that i cannot comprehend... the only downside here is that i somehow kept most things to myself... with this, i learned to do things all by myself... i sought the answers i want, planned the assassination, devised business "tactics" - alone... until now, i still do... although my father gave me his permission to attend school, i realized he was right... i liked his "teaching method" better... school bored me... sure, i consistently got good grades but i barely attended my classes... my mother tolerated that as long as i do not get a grade below 95... since i am his heir, my father taught me the tricks of the business everyday, as soon as i finish eating breakfast... he made me memorize "the credo" (the shorter version's the one you guys see on the lower right side of the screen) to serve as my guide in this forsaken life... in short, he taught me how to lie, cheat and steal... take that, eddie guerrero! now, i know you people are wondering how i became a blood drinker... a fairly easy question... my father gave me my first coffin when i was just 5 years of age... with it came a small refrigerator containing a month's supply of blood - all for me... of course i was hesitant to drink it at first but then i got used to it... i happened to drink all the supply within only two weeks and that's when i decided to hunt - time for fresh blood... to be continued...
posted at
4:03 AM
Monday, May 02, 2005
after my week-long suspension at FC, soul reaver's back!! as of now, i'm 10 posts behind sephiroth... but its okay... i'll regain the top spot soon... haha! i got dragged to go with les' relatives to mendez (that's the municipality right after tagaytay) yesterday for the town fiesta... my aunt whipped me out of bed (we all stayed up until 1 am playing marvel vs. capcom) at 6 am... i didn't have a choice... so i got in my car, with les as my only passenger... she's the only one who had the guts to anyway... les: dude! bagalan mo naman! babangga na tayo! me: look, the truck's like five feet away... i can step on the brake anytime... knowing my aunt, she can't last a whole sunday without going to church so we attended mass at the lourdes church in tagaytay first... les: pare, giniginaw na ako... me: nasa simbahan tayo, ang ingay mo... sino ba nagsabing mag-sleeveless ka? len: eh kuya, naninibago nga ako eh... me: why? len: parang nakahubad si ate... les: putang ina mong gago ka talaga kahit kailan! tarantado! the mass ended at 9:30 am... too early... so my aun't decided to drop by taal vista lodge first... it was pretty nostalgic for les and i... me: looks like the whole place has changed a lot since the last time we got here... les: oo nga eh... tokwa, dito pa tayo naglalaro dati! me: i know dude! les: tapos diyan! diyan tayo nagpapagulong-gulong! di ba diyan pa nga tayo nagpa-practice mag-backflip? me: dude, are you gonna cry? and who would've thought that those changes would include paying 150 bucks when you happen to stay in the place longer than 5 minutes? i almost punched the security guard... but hey, i know he's just doing his job... on to mendez... a little history though (i got this from les)... the whole town used to be a family property... that's where les' grandparents would stay during world war II... after the war, siyempre, tag-hirap and so les' grandfather was forced to sell a few lots... after a couple more years, they had a little family feud over the property so they divided it among themselves... and so when we got there, we practically stopped over every single house there is in that place... tapos relative pa nila yung mayor and vice-mayor... and almost every barangay captain... kung hindi nila kamag-anak, kaibigan or kakilala... but i must say, i love the food!!! all fresh from the farm! and the coffee, damn, starbucks oughtta bow down to these guys! nabitin nga lang ako... i collapsed eh... i woke up later that evening, already back at home, to the sound of les' voice screaming, "encantadia na sa monday!! ang astig ng costumes!" (she was watching the primer)
posted at
5:09 AM
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