Saturday, August 27, 2005
i only wanted to know something... i've been whacking my head just to get the courage to ask you... jeez, this isn't the right time to get all shy and uneasy, right? the yin and the yang... the balance of good and evil... didn't it ever occur to you that you're getting in the dark side more and more each day? though it may seem i'm not making any sense here, believe it or not, i am...
posted at
2:05 AM
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
i've been wanting to do this for so long but i never had the courage to... well, a lot of you guys probably know how much i like gackt... if it ain't obvious, go jump off a building... if you really want to see me dance without me giving you a hard time with all the convincing and stuff, here's what you gotta do: 1. place me inside a glass cage and have chains around my wrists 2. have 10 beautiful caucasians surround the cage 3. play gackt's "vanilla" hahaha! i'm not kidding! all you basically have to do is sing vanilla and there you have it, a josh valmont dancing like a total loser... come on! i do it on the college corridor! but that's for a fee of 100 bucks and lunch... hahaha! VanillaGackt kimi wa seijitsu na moralist kirei no yubi de boku wo nazoru boku wa junshi na terrorist kimi no omou ga mama ni kakumei ga okiru
koi ni shibarareta specialist nagai tsume wo taterareta boku ai wo tashikametai egoist kimi no oku made tadoritsu kitai
kimi no kao ga toozakeru ah boku wa boku de nakunaru mae ni
aishite mo ii kai? yureru yoru ni aragamama de ii yo matto fukaku kurushii kurai ni nareta kuchibiru ga tokeau hodoni boku wa...kimi no...vanilla
"...nante kido risugi" sonna cool na kimi wa plastic atsui menazashi ni wa ecologist sono moeru kuchizuke ga modo kashii
yugandeiku kimi no kao ga ah boku ga boku de iraremasu you ni
aishite mo ii kai? yureru youru ni arugamama de ii ya moto hayaku kurushii kurai ni nureta kuchibiru ga kotoba nante mou kimi to boku not burning love
ah itsuka asa e mukaereba ah yoru wa owaru no darou ka ah sora ni chiribamerareta ah shiroi hana ni kakomarete yuku
aishite mo ii kai? yureru yoru ni arugamama de ii ya ' i've seen a tail' kuyashii kurai ni kimi ni hamatteru no ni a crew sees cring knees i wanna need not betry!! aishite mo ii kai? tureru yoru ni arugamama de ii ya motto kimi wo kuruoshii kurai ni nareta koshi tsuki ga tokeau hodo ni kimi wa...boku no...vanillaTranslation: You’re an honest moralist You trace me with your pretty finger I’m a pure terrorist Your thoughts are rising like a revolution
A specialist bound by romance Long fingernails got me erect An egoist who wants to confirm love I want to struggle on until I’m inside of you
You keep yourself at a distance ah...Before I get lost in myself
Is it okay to love, too? In the shaking night It’s good as it is More...Deeper As those almost maddening lips I’ve gotten used to melt together I am...Your...Vanilla
"...you’re too affected" You’re cool like plastic With hot looks like an ecologist those burning kisses are irritating
Your distorting face is ah...I’ll do it myself
Is it okay to love, too? In the shaking night It’s good as it is More....Faster The almost painful lips I’ve gotten used to are just words You and I are not Burning love
ah...If we welcome how many mornings ah...Will the nights probably stop ah...Scattered in the sky ah...White flowers surround us and die
Is it okay to love, too? In the shaking night It’s good as it is "I’ve seen a tail" It’s almost embarrassing I’ve fallen for you A crew sees cring knees, I wanna need. Not betray!!
Is it okay to love, too? In the shaking night It’s good as it is More...You are As those almost maddening hips I’ve gotten used to melt together You are...My...keeperbefore the song ends, i'd probably have taken my shirt off... or more... hahahaha! sorry, that's the effect of having sleepless nights...
posted at
1:13 AM
Monday, August 22, 2005
my current frustration... i don't know if i still have the courage to listen or even perform this song... Half Pain Tatoeba dokomade modorebaii? Oshiete Subete wa Itami wo tomonauhodo azayaka
Hontou wa Wakeaerumono nantenaikara furikaeranakatta
fall into a light sleep Watashi ni michiru I don't carry out yakusoku wa yagate Itsukano Kagayaki suteta Kaerenai asa no hikari noyou
Tsumetai kokoro no soba ni iruyo Kogoete Tsuzuki wa kobamenaikurai hora asahaka
Kitsukazu ni kaketa kanjou hiroi atsumete Yurushi wo motometara
fall into a light sleep Hitori no yoru ni I'm beginning to learn kanashimi no shikumi Anata no Nukumori kakushi Afuredeta sonoyami ni obieru
fall into a light sleep Watashi ni michiru I don't carry out yakusoku wa yagate Itsukano Kagayaki suteta Kaerenai asa no hikari noyouTranslation: How far back should I have to go? Tell me. Everything is so painfully vivid.
The truth is, we couldn't understand each other, So I left and didn't look back
Fall into a light sleep, it encompasses my very being I never carry out my promises So long ago, I threw away my brightness And like the light from the morning sun, it can never return.
It lies beside this cold heart, frozen So completely mindless that it persists forever
Numbly, I gather the remnants of my emotions, And searching for redemption, I...
Fall into a light sleep, on a lonely night I'm beginning to learn the designs of sorrow The hiding away of your warm presence Makes me fear the overflowing darkness.
Fall into a light sleep, it encompasses my very being I never carry out my promises So long ago, I threw away my brightness And like the light from the morning sun, it can never return.i never wanted this to happen... i only wanted to protect you but it was this act that hurt you even more... because i was actually the one breaking your heart...
posted at
10:38 AM
Saturday, August 13, 2005
its about time i vent out all my anger... forget about forgiveness! forget about second chances! why, did they even bother to give me the same thing? hell no! the devil could never change... that's what you all implied when you left me for dead... you want to at least have an idea about how you all made me feel? Perfect BlueL'arc-en-ciel mabushii taiyo ga boku no kokoro no massao na sora no moto he tsure ta shiteyuku dakedo kono machi chu niwa boku kara jyo o ubate te nigeku hora anata wa dare?
donkan na sono egao no shita no wa tsumi battenai onaji me ni awana kereba zenzen kimi wa ban ranainoka?
zonna tsukuri te hanashi made youi shite te ni ireta okane nante toiki ke gasuruze marude aga shingou o mou speed de hashiri nuketeku Sunday driver mitaisa
donkan na sono egao no shita no wa tsumi ban tsutenai onaji ma ni awana kereba zenzen kimiwa ban ranainoka?
bokuni dekiru kototo ni eba nakayubi otateru dake
donkan na sono egao no shita no wa tsumi ban tsutenai onaji ma ni awana kereba zenzen kimiwa ban ranainoka?
kai i inu ni teo tegara mareteru marude zonna kibun dayone ki gatsu kiba shisen darake NO NO kokowa dobutsuen janaiyo on ku nige you minami no shima made nige youtranslation: the glaring sun is taking my heart out in to under the deep blue sky however this whole town is taking my freedom from me running away, hey! who are you? don't you see that sin under that insensetive smiling face if you got a taste of your own medicine, don't you understand at all? going as far as preparing made-up stories like that for getting money, I'm gonna be sick it's as if running out of the red signal at fierce speed like a Sunday Driver The only thing that I can do is just put up my middle finger like getting bit on the hand by my pet dog like being betrayed by a man I looked after it's that kind of a feeling if you notice, look all around, NO NO this is not a zoo let's run far away, until the south island let's run awayi took every single blow and it took every single strength i had until i finally fell... but you forgot one thing: if i happened to resurrect once, i'll resurrect again to come after all of you... the price for blood is also blood... i will only get over this whole issue once you feel my wrath... now i walk to seek salvation for my soul... my minions are slowly being reborn and expect me to create more of them... allow them to feast on you... it is a compliment you would not get from anyone else... TransylvaniaMalice Mizer Fukai kanashimi kara nagareru tame ni Mizukara shi o manekou to shite ita Demo sore wa ookina ayamachi datta
Tada yasuragi ga hoshikatta dake na no ni Kimi no kodou o kono te ni kikinagara (Soushite) shizukesa ni kawaru toiki no naka de yasuragi o Youkou ni wakare o tsuge boku wa umare-kawatta
Hajimete miru yoru no utsukushisa ni boku wa naita Soushite fukai nemuri kara mezameta toki Kimi wa soba ni tatte ita
Ichido kanjita eien no yuuwaku wa fukaku...touku...nagaku Amai kuchizuke o ima mo obiki-dasu
Kono uta...watashi ga aishita hito ga suki n de ita uta Mou amai aida kiku koto wa nakatta Kanojo wa watashi dake o nokoshite yutte shimatta Mou ichido koe o kikasete kure...mou ichido
Drink from me and live forever Eien ni tsuzuku atarashii sekai o te ni haireru tame ni Kimi ga tsubuyaku subete no koto ni imi wa motanaiTranslation: In order to escape from deep sadness I invited death onto myself But that was a grave mistake
Although all I wanted was to rest in peace As I listened to the pulsation of your heart with my hands And the tranquility in the midst of your silently changing breaths I bid farewell to the sunshine and was reborn
I cried upon seeing the beauty of the night for the first time And when I awoke from my deep sleep You were standing there beside me
The temptation of the eternity I felt then still entices my* kisses Deep...far...sweet and long
While this song...the song my beloved loved to hear Was still sweet it was left unheard She abandoned me alone forever Let me hear your voice once more...once more
Drink from me and live forever In order to grasp a new world of everlasting immortality. There is no meaning in your murmeringsi missed this... i missed plotting against people i once loved and cherished... i missed hearing people begging me to spare them, to give them another chance to make it all up to me... it is about time i let my old self resurface... with all that is going on, they deserve it... do not expect me to spare anyone...
posted at
1:23 AM
Friday, August 12, 2005
once more i'm traversing the path i promised not to tread again... but i chose to... i wanted to... and i'm enjoying every single minute of it... i just remembered, i've been sulking for almost a week... i guess nobody really noticed... the mask always works perfectly... the days haunt me... yet i embrace the fear and use it as my strength... i let it fuel this anger i have been suppressing for ages... no more mr. nice guy... its about time i start anew - by going back to my old life... hate is good... it makes you realize how truly worthless you are to everyone else... they hate me but not as much as i hate myself... this time i stand alone... with a knife in my pocket... emotions make one weak, vulnerable... i have regained my heart of stone and it couldn't get any better... maybe unless i strike again... and again... and again... there is no possible way for me to forget everything... in fact, it has become my breeding and training ground... nothing could compensate for what i feel now... who do you live for? no more pain... no more tears... you asked for this, you got it... i no longer care...
posted at
6:25 AM
Thursday, August 11, 2005
there's absolutely nothing you can say that can hurt me... oh come on! i've heard every single insult there is to last me a lifetime... and yeah, i have already learned how to accept those insults and believe them to be true... i ain't from hell... i'm the devil himself... all that is pure and evil... forget about ruining my reputation nor my life... it's going to be useless... because there is nothing left to ruin... i no longer have a reputation - aside from being the worst creature that ever walked this earth - to protect and even if i still do, i really don't care... heck... i don't give a fuck! as for my goddamned life... well, it's already damned... and i'm living hell to the fullest... don't you just appreciate how cruel fate is? its actually helping you out! damn... your prayers have been answered! yeah, i'm throwing my life away... so what? who cares? like what aya used to say, "the care bears don't care!"... since care bears don't really exist, so yeah, nobody does care... so why should i? hahaha! i ain't making sense... as usual... sorry... it must be the alcohol talking... but i don't really have to apologize about that, do i? so it spins, it whirls, it twirls... damn, it even breakdances! but more often than not, it just shatters and nobody bothers to pick up the pieces... i love the hatred you're giving me...
posted at
10:31 AM
Monday, August 08, 2005
i spent the whole night in the bath tub... i forgot to go to bed... perhaps it was because my whole body felt numb to the ice cold water - to think that i even put ice cubes just to add to the chill... i just sat there all night thinking... my mind was literally flying at such a high speed i had to shake my head every once in a while just to get a grip of myself... of course, you are all wondering why josh valmont is doing something really weird again... definitely, i thought of the blade but then again, "don't make it thirteen"... next to that came the gun but i remembered that i "must not attempt to commit suicide the next time"... and so i opted for the freezing waters in the bath tub... it was something new anyway - for me at least... my ass was definitely freezing but i didn't care... i hardly even noticed... i just kept wishing that the water would pierce through my flesh and reach my heart... i was crying and begging for the pain to stop... come on! josh valmont? you were born a jerk and you will die a jerk! you let yourself be called cupid? bastard! you don't even have a heart! you have no idea what love is! you are a selfish egoistic son of a bitch whose only purpose on earth is to hurt people... in fact, that's the only thing you're good at - hurting people... you are a killer... a murderer... you lure them into their own deaths with your seductive words... you enjoy seeing them in agony as you slowly do your dirty work... then, when you get sick of the whole thing, you put the finishing touch by putting that blade right across their throats... you sadistic beast... yes, you're not even human... you are an animal... why, you are even a killing machine!
who were you fooling when you said you can turn your back on your destiny? who were you fooling when you said you can change? who were you fooling when you said you have finally truly fallen in love?
face your doomed reality... accept your fate... love and everything good on earth is not for you... do not even dream of heaven... you are to have a living hell and eventually end up in hell...
you know you will end up killing her if you continue this...it all played over and over inside my head... it rang on my ear... it beated on my chest... in the silence of the night, the debate against myself raged on... the only warmth i felt was that of my own tears, flowing down my cheeks then on my chest... i cleared my mind by watching it mix with the cold water later on... but the whole thing became a cycle... it gave me a headache... yet which gives more pain: a headache or a heartache? that's not so difficult to answer, isn't it? after six months, i started cursing myself again... i cursed the day i was born, the life i lived and the person i turned out to be... once more i wondered why i am even here, why i was raised in such a devilish way and why i have to feel such tremendous amount of pain everytime i try to turn my back on my so-called destiny... i only want to be happy... what's so wrong with that? they say you will never know happiness until you know sadness or grief... then why after going through so much misery, i still can't get the happiness i have always wanted? don't i deserve it? am i not really meant to know the true meaning of happiness? am i not really meant to share my life with someone else? am i not allowed to even know love? if the answer is no, then why can't i do anything right when it comes to love? are they all supposed to just be with me until i eventually take away their lives? the temptation to drown myself was very hard to resist... yet it occured to me that people don't really run out of chances, they just give up... mind you, josh valmont is no quitter...
posted at
2:08 AM
Saturday, August 06, 2005
maikecute18: tapos ni aki ikaw naman sisiraan... isnt that such a warm welcome? after not being online for a couple of days, i would have to hold back my anger at whoever sent me that message... a threat? okay, its actually nothing new to me... it all started with filcosplay... when my rbother and i got along well, more attackers came my way... and now this... all because of my brother again, i presume... but the question is why? according to marsy, it might be because one of them more or less has a crush on me and wants to ruin my relationship with my plushie... but how did they even find out about that? only a few people know about this chapter of my love life and that is exactly what's making this whole thing even more interesting to solve... so they failed to ruin aki's life since aki couldn't really care less... he and marsy have already broken up so there's nothing more to do but get him... the thing here is that he doesn't give a damn... he says he still loves marsy... again, i'm the number two guy... when all else fails with aki, go with his brother... oh brother... do i always have to be your shadow? but let me say this as early as now... say whatever you want, do whatever you want... i'm gonna defend myself but there is no possible way i'm gonna give in to your dirty tricks... i'm gonna stay with my plushie even if i have to end up dead for it...
posted at
9:37 AM
Friday, August 05, 2005
since peope have been constantly complaining about my "creepy" and "freaky" layout, i decided to change it... with gackuto-sama! ain't he pleasant to the eyes? hahaha! i mean this guys... i'm gonna do his little "oasis PV" act after typing this... ja!
posted at
1:57 AM
Thursday, August 04, 2005
i get so unreasonably hypersensitive at times... i fucking hate it when that happens... i hate it for the mere fact that i become so self-centered... i do and say what i'm not supposed to, only to regret it in the mind, to the point that i'd be happy to just have myself shot right through my heart... i tend not to care about how someone else might feel just as long as i express how i feel... true enough, it gives such bad results... that night was one of those unforgiving nights when i let my temper get the best of me... i thought things over and i realized just how much of a jerk i turned out to be - again... you simply gave me little facts that we are to face someday but my dreams of having you forever blocked my path of understanding... for once, i did not understand - rather, i refused to understand... then i made up my mind to finally end things... but then again, there is nothing to end - only something to stop... it was stupid... it was a decision made out of anger and bitterness but i yielded... all because i got hurt and would not want to come face to face with those harsh realities you told me... yet there is no way this cupid can run away from love... i have set my whole life to spending it with you until the moment i breathe my last... i know deep in my heart that i could never be truly with anyone else but you... for the love of heaven, i live and i will die for you... bring me hell, damned world... i don't really care... i'm already in heaven - with my heaven...
posted at
9:28 AM
.[#].[Pictures].[#].
.[#].[Credits].[#].
This skin was created by Grace Teoh.
The image was found somewhere on the Internet a long time ago. If you are the owner or you know who it belongs to, please let
me know. I will add your name here to the list of credits. ;)
Codes were taken from all over the internet and if you think you see a code that's yours, let me know and I'll add your name to this list of credits.
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