Tuesday, March 29, 2005
it went fine this morning...
texted my plushie, played with P.A.... heck, i even got to spend the whole afternoon talking to my plushie over the phone!
then went online... had a YM confe with my plushie, my baby and my baby alien... got to talk to white mage too (made me conclude that the world is really too small)...
everything seemed to be perfect...
but it all crashed after that...
first, it was my tagboard...unknown: yeah, right go flood. you never became loyal to me, my vampire... and HER boyfriend really wanted her off his life, he just keeps her in fear that he would get rejected by many if he did so. unknown: and yeah. he told me once he'd rather stay by my side than listen to her rants. hell, she even said i was beautiful, now she calls me a bitch? tell your 'baby' not to be insecure. and get a life.. so i replied...J: how i wish i did that. that i didn't waste all those months giving up everyone and everything for you! YOU're the one who was never loyal! besides, you never really loved me! J: you love aki. that's the reason why you keep on lying. i know aki loves marsy no matter what the hell you say, no matter what the hell you do. why should anyone be insecure coz of you? J: you're nothing compared to my plushie and marsy. in every single aspect. you expected na hahabulin ulit kita? no way! J: i won't let you hurt me again. and please, huwag ka magpapansin sa tagboard ko. kausapin mo ko sa YM or sa FC. J: really, my dear ex, you're the one who should get a life... then some creep came along...Lycant Shroud: "Lost be blood that does not understand it's kin. Found is she who has courage to leave hers." Lycant Shroud: "Forsaken is he who denies her existence. Damned are those who seek to destroy her." Lycant Shroud: Milady Marionette, go forth. I shall back thee. To you all who dare take quarrel, you face me. I will not allow another squander to ensue. And that is beyond contestation. You know who I am." i got pissed off, so...J: lycant shroud, if you're her friend, whoever you are, stay out of this... damn it... naghanap pa ng kakampi... my baby alien got into the action too...mars: carol... I called you CUTE not beautiful XD my gosh... anung dictionary gamit mo? so pray tell me, why is he still with me and not with you? mars: carol the only insecurity i will ever have because of you is that you're too liberated and free. While I follow the rules of my family XD mars: magimbento ka pa ng storya... I HAVE LOGS THAT PROVE EVERYTHING unlike you na sa net cafe lang. Mangarap ka na maging kayo ni soul or aki because it will stay that way. libre lng mangarap my brother got a little headache over the whole thing...AKi: Uh... Sorry, I shouldn't have come here... even nessa joined the fun... i know she still reads my blog though... and no, i ain't mad at her... really... and yeah, thanks!Nessa: Soul i know you're mad at me but.. wth. Lycant... PILIPINO KA, TOL! Di sayo bagay magpaka-Shakespearre. mali mali pa grammar mo. Ayusin mo ha? Need help? I'd teach you. XD Nessa: May bayad mangarap ng ganon kataas, dear! BUHAY! AMP! i thought it would be over... as usual, i turned to my plushie for comfort... i was about to go to bed when i received this message..."she's only playing you around... why do you believe her? why do you love her this much kahit niloloko ka lang niya?" i swear i felt my world crumble right before my eyes... (and someone's smiling while reading those lines... /heh)
there's no way in this whole damned world that my plushie will do that to me... no way... i trust her... she ain't like them... she's different...
still, i'm really confused...
i guess my only consolation is that my brother's realized something good tonight... i just hope he'll actually keep his word...aki_bro : The moment I see her I'll Plant her face into a concrete wall or an asphalt floor aki_bro : never calll Carol Aina... you're disgracing the japanese culture... aki_bro : Carol is a wannabe japanese shit... Japan has a high standard of accepting one to be one... gackt: the solution is to destroy your creation aki_bro : The problem is, I HAVE NO CREATION! gackt: carol claims that you created her aki_bro : NO! aki_bro : That's the worst insult ever! well, next to being called a playboy... aki_bro : but anyway... THAT"S THE WORSE! gackt: what are you planning to do? aki_bro : only one thing to do... aki_bro : release negativity gackt: how? aki_bro : By all means... aki_bro : Through that damn chester? Or that bitch (Pardon the language) Carol? gackt: i'd go with carol aki_bro : yeah? aki_bro : well I'd go with both, one isn't enough... aki_bro : actually i'm not sure if TWO is enough but... I'll think of something... gackt: then do both and believe it or not...aki_bro : but hey bro! aki_bro : I need you to be there when I start releasing... gackt: i'd watch aki_bro : No... don't watch... aki_bro : You have to stop me if I get out of control... gackt: i won't control you gackt: i'll let you rage aki_bro : ... aki_bro : I might hurt others... gackt: i don't care gackt: what matters is that you release your anger aki_bro : Bro thanks! I love you haha! just a little sibling bonding moment back there...
posted at
10:36 AM
Friday, March 25, 2005
its always fun watching aki and aishi run after each other... and believe it or not, my cat's afraid of my mouse... haha! no wonder she hasn't eaten him yet... yeah, aki's still alive... i haven't killed him yet... and don't ask me how he managed to survive the house despite the fact that i have 8 dogs running around and that he constantly finds his way inside my iguana's cage... well, i have no plans of killing him anyway... but i sometimes forget to feed him... he went on for two weeks without food... so it's no wonder why he chewed on a few of my clothes... aishi's something to remind me of nash (the kitten i brought home from school)... just because they look alike... i don't even know where the hell aishi came from! we just found her in the backyard one day... and after nash died, she found a playmate in aki... it just makes me wonder though, how in the world did i end up having two vampiric pets? yeah, you read that one right... aki and aishi have this tendency of biting me whenever they can... well, i think i know how aki became vampiric but aishi? give me a break! but watching them play reminds me of a lot of things... things i'd rather forget... things i'd rather undo if i have the power to... why am i still running away?
posted at
12:23 AM
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
just going to post here a few of my favorite lines... lifted from filcosplay's love department... but this is gonna start from second part of that thread since they have already deleted the first one... Dec 3 2004, 03:28 PM love... pardon me for i cannot define or even describe love... no one can... but based on how you experience it, then that IS love...
lust is an extreme attraction of the flesh... this is the misunderstood love...
love and lust cannot be put together... as i have said, lust is misunderstood love... you think you already love someone because you desire her/him in a way beyond the limits of love...
Dec 15 2004, 01:10 PM QUOTE (rien @ Dec 13 2004, 06:52 PM)
do you based finding your love of your life in your standards? and why?
yes... and no...
yes kasi kapag nakita ko agad sa isang girl yung qualities na gusto ko, plus points na yun agad... total turn on...
no kasi minsan pag sobrang gusto ko yung girl, i totally forget about those standards and just go get her...
Dec 17 2004, 03:57 PM there's no such thing as love at first sight... i'd say, that's simply physical attraction...
about stargazer's question...
natotorpe ang isang tao, number 1, is because nahihiya... lalo na kung first time lang siya manliligaw... another reason, insecure sa sarili... puwede rin naman na umpisa pa lang eh natatakot nang ma-busted... to avoid such a circumstance, one must have a huge amount of self-confidence... pero huwag naman sobra... mayabang na ang kalalabasan nun...
there's no tip sa panliligaw... pero depende yan sa kind of girl na liligawan mo... do a little "research" about her para malaman mo kung ano yung likes and dislikes niya...based from the result of your research, have your "plan of attack"... but most importantly, just be yourself... show the kind of person that you really are...
Dec 21 2004, 03:25 PM guys ain't walking ATM cards and we ain't born to be chauffeurs...
Dec 23 2004, 01:32 PM there are so many advantages to being single... first of all, you hve so much time to do anything you want... and you can pretty much do anything you want because you won't worry about someone's reactions to what you're doing...
Dec 27 2004, 12:27 PM QUOTE (soulsifter @ Dec 26 2004, 09:44 AM)
Sometimes people say that men tend to move on / recover faster from women.... but I guess guys, just know how to hide it.
men or women? well, not really... its not in the gender... it wholly depends on the person if he/she knows how to handle the situation...
stargazer: love is not just to fill the gap... okay, maybe there are some people who have this opinion about love but if you take it seriously, love is something else... love has a purpose, you know...
Dec 28 2004, 07:34 PM love... waiting... pero hindi mo alam kung may hinihinaty ka... hoping... pero hindi mo alam kung may aasahan ka...
Dec 28 2004, 07:49 PM everyone has uncertainties... kahit nga yung mag-bf na, yung ikakasal na, and even yung mag-asawa na, they still have uncertainties...
pero isipin mo na lang, yang uncertainties na yan, they actually help... siyempre, kung hindi ka sure sa feelings ng taong mahal mo, you'll exert effort para mapamahal ka sa kanya... gagawin mo yung mga bagay na special para sa kanya...
Dec 28 2004, 07:59 PM secrecy does not prevent security...
ang mga judgmental na tao, hindi na dapat iniintindi... they judge only because of the norms of the society... kung walang norms, wala silang reason para mag-judge... kapag binalewala mo yung norms, wala ka rin dapat isipin tungkol sa sasabihin ng iba...
oras na para kumanta ng "love conquers all"...
Dec 31 2004, 05:57 PM we are living inside one huge supreme court... and everyone wants to be the judge...
Jan 7 2005, 08:39 PM signs are taken seriously only by paranoid people... but i'm not saying that it's bad to be paranoid...
just trust your instincts though...
Feb 13 2005, 12:58 AM you don't need love in life? really?
haven't you been in love before? if you have fallen in love, then once in your life, you did need love... and you'll always need love...
it doesn't have to be romantic love though... it can be love from a friend, from a family member or even from a stranger...
love makes a person complete... it ruins him yet it makes him whole...
Feb 13 2005, 06:44 PM one can DO live without romantic love! jeez... romantic love is unnecessary but LOVE IN GENERAL is necessary...
Mar 11 2005, 06:50 PM people always have difficulty getting over someone they once loved... but what really makes it hard to forget a lost love is that you cannot help but think about that person... what hurts more is when you get to see that person often...
sure, you got hurt... but you could never deny that once in your life, you loved that person more than anything...
a beloved will always leave a mark... not only in your heart but also on your whole life...
Mar 17 2005, 05:38 PM its pretty hard to move on when someone hurt you, right? one tends to be bitter... but that's a really wrong reaction to the situation... bitterness turns out to be a way of saying "i still love you", in case you didn't know...
Mar 18 2005, 07:34 PM nagiging bitter because di mo matanggap na masaya siya habang umiiyak ka...
Mar 20 2005, 12:17 PM but you know what the problem is when it comes to love?
people are so busy, wanting to be loved... but do they even think of giving love? it seems that everyone's complaining of not being loved but how can they feel so if they themselves are not willing to give it?
kaya nagkakalabuan ang mga relationships eh... ang dami kasing selfish sa mundo...
Mar 23 2005, 01:59 PM it's not necessarily na hindi ka kuntento sa sarili mo... sometimes, you are so content with yourself that you want to share that contentment with others... been browsing over my FC journal and i got this... makes sense though... a product of POS hangover... Jun 25 2004, 03:21 PM the world has to live in love and justice and these two elements must co-exist... there is no justice without love and vice versa... the concepts that surround these two elements are quite complicated for someone like me to explain but let me talk about what they say is "my field of expertise"...
LOVE...
yes, the feeling, concept, mystery, divine rule, that occupies every person's life... or so they say...
love, in contrast, does not make the world go 'round... it is not a feeling, for it is far more than that... it is not a concept, for it is an object to be discerned... it is not a mystery, for it can be explained through man's reason with the use of his logic (basing it from his experience but we'll get there later)... it is not a divine rule but a divine obligation... it does not occupy a person's life for it is the very essence of man's life...
love is not a feeling... it is more of a stimulus from man's brain, the hypothalamus to be precise... but it is how man perceives it that makes it appear like a feeling...
love is an object to be discerned... love makes man wonder too much that he forgets to "investigate" about it, therefore leading him to jump into conclusions, which are wrong most of the time...
love is not a mystery... man can explain what love is only if he has already experienced it... without experience, man would really be mystefied about love... for every love question can be answered by mere experience of it...
love is a divine obligation... man was created by God to love other beings... in this case, it must be unconditional...
from the previous "paragraph" (if that's what it really is), this should be how everyone must love... unconditionally... love a person for who he is, without any questions...
if love becomes a "romantic injustice", wherein it pushes one up against the wall and makes one lose all of his defenses, better think twice about that love because it is a love that is already deteriorating...
love should give one freedom, not a cage or prison... true love is staying with the one you love no matter what... get a grip, valmont...
posted at
1:02 AM
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
welcome back, valmont... the long drive from the airport to the house drained my energy, though i don't know why... guess i was just really tired... i kept changing my position in the backseat... it also irritated me that jc chasez's album was playing in the car... but i was too tired to complain to the driver... let him have his way... things will change in a few more days anyway... one thing i noticed about the house, almost nothing changed... i thought dad had the place renovated? well, looks like i have to do the job... and believe me, that's something my folks won't like at all... okay, one room did change and it is my bedroom... its now painted navy blue and the floor's got those glass fragments all over (so its highly recommended that people don't go walking barefoot in my bedroom unless you guys want your feet to bleed)... and now i have my own chandelier! cool... but dad knows me too well... guess what? i've got my own dancefloor... haha! my room's pretty difficult to imagine, ain't it? weird... complicated... i like it... funny thing is that up to now, instead of lounging comfortably somewhere, i still haven't taken a single rest... i got to work right away... grabbed my suit and drove to the office... a lot of paperwork waiting for me... damn it... look, i know i love to read but to read documents and contracts? business letters? hell no! i guess my only consolation's the fact that i've got a beautiful secretary... hehehehe... i'm just kidding! she's an old geezer... she reminds me of my first year second semester prof in theology... but she's really nice... so far, i've been going from one meeting to another, shaking hands with a head honcho or flirting my way to get a business deal... okay, maybe i ain't really flirting... just using my charm... haha! anyway, my damned phone hardly ever stops ringing... i think it would be better for me to just glue this thing onto my ear... i've only been here for a day but it already feels like a month... and i haven't had any sleep yet! good grief... and i think i should just marry this fucked up pc and type my life away... but then again, there's no way i'm gonna marry this pc... and there's no way i'm gonna break down on this whole new life... i've got people waiting for me back in manila... shobe: save those mooncakes! i'll eat them with you... aya: take care of miku... miaka: as soon as i learn to swim! haha! saki: i will design your bedroom! rina: i'd rather die than miss your debut... beij: dude! yun lang... dude... haha! YOU: zutto dai suki... another thing that's really getting on my nerves right now is the fact that i can't stop singing the damned theme from "save the last dance for me"! blame it on my sisters... they love the series... and they kept singing that before i left manila... and now, it's stuck in my head! Give My Love Edward Chun
When I look in your eyes I can see that you Want to be with me but you're so scared And I don't know what to say or do But the tears keep falling from your eyes And I know that Times won't change my love And I can't do nothing to keep you
Oh, I'll give my love oh when I hold you tight Give my love through kisses oh so bright And you know that I can't change my love Take my love all through the night¡¦
As the hours pass away You think that love ain't here to stay Feel a beat from your chest But you don't give doubt a moment's rest You dream the future and all you see is dark Listen to your heart, baby, the truth will set sparks
Now I'll give my love oh when I hold you tight Give my love through kisses oh so bright And you know that I can't change my love Take my love all through the night
Now I'll give my love oh when I hold you tight Give my love through kisses oh so bright And you know that time won't change my love Take my love all through the night
I'll give my love oh when I hold you tight Give my love, through kisses oh so bright And you know that I can't change my love Take my love all through the nighti've tried to drown myself in gackt's music but to no avail... hell... i feel so miserable... ibalik niyo na ako sa 'pinas!
posted at
9:04 AM
Sunday, March 20, 2005
where is the good in goodbye? i always ask myself that... i guess its only good where you really are leaving for a good reason, that you have no other choice but to go... otherwise, you're just giving yourself and that other person a reason to cry... Utada Hikaru First Love Saigo no kisu wa tabako no flavor ga shita Nigakute setsunai kaori
Ashita no imagoro ni wa Anata wa doko ni irundarou Dare wo omotterundarou
You are always gonna be my love Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo I'll remember to love you taught me how You are always gonna be the one Ima wa mada kanashii love song Atarashi uta utaeru made
Tachidomaru jikan ga Ugoki dasouto shiteru Wasureta kunai kotobakari
Ashita no imagoro niwa Watashi wa kitto naiteru Anatawo omotterundarou
You will always be inside my heart Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara I hope that I have a place in your heart too Now and forever you are still the one Ima wa mada kanashii love song Atarashii uta utaeru made
You are always gonna be my love Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo I'll remember to love you taught me how You are always gonna be the one Mada kanashii love song Now and forevergoodbye... though i don't know whether this is a good one or not...
posted at
8:06 AM
Saturday, March 19, 2005
it was my sisters' graduation yesterday... it felt so damn great to see them onstage, holding their diploma... and yeah, they both looked really beautiful... and happy... my folks kept tugging me though... "take a picture of your sisters!" why do i always have to be the cameraman? the marshalls kept reprimanding me... bawal daw kasi lumpait nang sobrang lapit... sure, sure... whatever... so i was holding the videocam on one hand and the camera on the other... that's what you call multi-tasking... a few minutes after saki got off the stage, i went outside the gym... i was already starving... there i hooked up with les and heart... and for compliments, my cousin was pretty good-looking! new haircut... pretty cool... and heart, oh my fucked up vegetables, she was pink all over! pink skirt, pink blouse, pink handbag, pink sandals... good grief... but really, she looked so damned beautiful... things got harder after the ceremony... because i can't find my sisters on the gym floor! it was too crowded and knowing how "popular" my sisters are, i knew they'd be moving from one group to another... saki spotted me though, and that's when i continued my photographer job... on the way home, my sisterstold me that they've already decided on studying at UST to be with me... oh boy... saki's gonna try out for the volleyball varsity while balancing things taking up tourism and rina's gonna sweat it out at medtech... looks like i'd still be able to watch over them after all... had a little heart to heart talk with my dad last night... seems like he's having trouble regarding his health... i noticed... the trips to japan seem more of hospital visits to me... he's lost weight drastically over the month... but the stuff he said to me might change everything i know about my life in only a matter of time... i'm giving it three weeks...
posted at
11:28 PM
Thursday, March 17, 2005
(Its summer time) And everybody on the westside is real high off the la, la (in the streets) And we looking for the ta ta cause they pop out when it gets hot (everybody) Kiss your rainy days good bye, just blue skies and sunshine (come chill with me) Everything will be all right on the best side in the summer timei kept singing that song as soon as i submitted my test paper in social ethics... last day of the semester and they gave us such an easy exam (in my honest opinion, that is) - isn't that just great? and for the record, i finished the two exams in less than an hour! but les still beat me to it... she finished the exam in 30 minutes! makes me wonder: dude, do you even read the questions? finally, no more school! i'd get to do whatever i want: play video games or Ragnarok, go skateboarding, read whatever fuckin' book i want, watch anything i want, jam with my band anytime, stay up until the fuckin' morning sunshine hit my face, and most importantly, I GET TO EAT ANYTHING WHENEVER I WANT TO! well, that is if i'll be able to make it by the skin of my teeth and pass Analytical Chemistry Lab... sir alipao allowed us to see our quizzes and final exam results after the "pahabol" quiz, right after our finals in social ethics and literature... i swear, i almost fainted when i saw my papers... i practically flunked every single quiz! damn it... that's the consequence of going in and out of the lab to eat during post and pre-lab (bakit ba kasi ang lapit ng lab namin sa canteen ng 4th floor?! and why am i so addicted to eating that footlong?! and the baked mac? and their meatballs? heck, why do they have such a great cook?!) i talked to sir alipao and he just told me, "mag-dasal ka na maraming mababa ang grade para babaan natin ang passing average"... well, i've got the whole Holy Week to pray... mag-penitensiya kaya ako? volunteer to be crucified? mommy shelah tried to console me while we were walking together towards the parking lot... "di naman nambabagsak si sir eh... sa 9 years niyang prof dito sa uste, wala pa siyang binabagsak..." but there's a first time for everything, right? (Its summer time) And everybody on the westside is real high off the la, la (in the streets) And we looking for the ta ta cause they pop out when it gets hot (everybody) Kiss your rainy days good bye, just blue skies and sunshine (come chill with me) Everything will be all right on the best side in the summer timekeep singing that song, josh... kinda helps, you know...
posted at
2:25 AM
Monday, March 14, 2005
this is getting out of hand... and believe it or not, i'm no longer the one holding the wheel... i've let it go... i've given up... a lot of things made me realize that this is one sick game i don't want to play... my "cruel intentions" days are over... maybe because the one getting most of the harm here is pretty close to me... i only gave her one assurance but i know it ain't enough... and will never be... she needs security - the very thing i cannot give her... no matter what i tell her, my words will not suffice... she needs to hear it from someone else... the very someone who's hurting her (and "hurt" is an understatement here)... are you enjoying this now? heck, why do i even bother to ask? knowing how twisted your mind has become... your plan seems to be effective: get rid of the shadow so as not to have restrictions then steal the creator... i praise you... you really know how to make things go the way you want them to... although i'm not surprised with the turn of events, both of you still make me sick... i've been wanting to talk to the two of you - even if it means swallowing my pride... i know you read this... no matter how sick and twisted your mind has become, i know you still have an ounce of sanity somewhere in there... you know what you should do - the very thing you should've done a long time ago... and no, that thing is NOT to get the creator for yourself... stay away from him... and to you, my brother (yes, you! i'm actually addressing you!), don't think that i'm trying to steal your girlfriend... i have my own love life and it has nothing to do with yours... i still got your back... this has been going on for far too long... aren't you guys getting tired of it yet? meanwhile... "Why!?!...STOP..STOP!!" - #3 Kenai Which Battle Royale Character are You? brought to you by Quizilladon't force me to be like him... again...
posted at
2:42 AM
Monday, March 07, 2005
i just love it whenever i say that line, "i'm just laughing my head off"... and that's exactly what i'm doing right now... everything's so downright funny! it amuses me... i knew this thing will happen once i gather up all my courage and finally be man enough to walk away from the damned hell i've been in for such a long time... and so, here it is, the vision i have always seen, unfolding before my very eyes... and i can only laugh... the four main characters of the story... our lives are interconnected... unfortunate for two of them, i'm the one controlling it without even realizing that i actually do... the four of us, we're all the same in one way or another... we all hate to admit it but its true... i am his shadow... he "created" her... she is his true love... and the last one? she is merely a piece of the puzzle the three of us have to deal with... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! but i pity the lover... she, the most innocent of all, has suffered the most... and only the creator has the power to heal her wounds... the shadow can only watch... yeah... watch... and wait... i can play your mind games... and before you know it, you're actually playing based on my rules...
posted at
12:43 AM
Saturday, March 05, 2005
i'm so damned proud of you... finally, you did what you should've done a long time ago... hell, i'd be glad to throw a party for you! you're free... and who would dare say i'm wrong? you deserve this... and i'd definitely cop out on anyone who would say that you don't... remember what i always tell you? i'd always be here to back you up... now i watch your adversary become more pathetic than ever... don't get me wrong though... i'm not being bias in this and i hold no grudge against anyone... this is just a matter of telling it the way i see it... in other news... seems like someone has been disturbing my cousin's wholesome LJ... i've read the comments and yeah, it does sound familiar... i'm not stupid... i know you are still monitoring my life... well, i'm giving you this much satisfaction... read on... You are the Spirit of Sadness. Deep pain and sorrow lie within you, betrayal, jealousy and rejection rule your life. You cannot make friends as you are too scared at the prospect of being hurt again and you can't take that risk. You wish more than anything to have a steady person there who loves you unconditionally but you are too scared to find them. Which stunning spirit of emotion are you? NEW AND IMPROVED! (amazingly beautiful anime pics!) brought to you by QuizillaYou can be From Samurai X or from the lighter yet the same taste anime, Rurouni Kenshin! Which Strange Anime should you be in?(awesome pic's!) brought to you by Quizilla
posted at
2:22 AM
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
how i hate you... ain't it enough for you that i spent the rest of my life following everything you wanted me to do? i've always been the obedient son, haven't i? how many times have i given up what i wanted and needed just to make you happy? my everything was never enough... how many times have you tried to have me killed? honestly, i have lost count... for so many times i tried to keep myself quiet, tried to understand you... i reasoned out with myself just so i would prevent myself from actually hating you... but now i can't even remember an ounce of the love that i once had for you... now i despise the very fact that i am of your own felsh and blood... you selfish bitch! i hope you burn in hell!
posted at
5:45 AM
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