Tuesday, July 26, 2005
i don't think anyone here hasn't seen "ring 0" yet... so that means you guys know pretty well sadako's story, particularly her love life... this here's the little theme song for that love story... FinaleL'arc-en-ciel Awaku hakanaga na utsukushisa Kowasarenu you chizuka ni dakiyoseta
Tsuki no kakurega de motomeau Kanjitoruno wa sadame no setsunasa yo
Shinobiyoru kehai fusaidate Oitsumerareta urei no kuchimoto ni fureta
CHORUS 1 Shuumakue mukau hizashi no naka Mabushisugita ashita ga mienai Furimuita kimi wa toki o koete mitsumeteiru Adokanai Shoujo no mama
Kono ude no naka de mezameyuku Kimi no kanashimi ga tada kanashikute
Kuroshii made ni koishitau Itsumademo soba ni ite hanarerarenu you ni
CHORUS 2 Furisosogu tsumi ni irodorareta Kareta michi o samayoitsuzukeru Hono ai wa daremo furesasenai Sore ga kami ni somuku koto dearou to
Kagami no kimi wa sakasama no hohoemi de Todiresou na yume tsumugi no ito o kitta
CHORUS 3 Eien ni shizumu sono inori ni Kotae mo naku minamo e yureteru Kuzureyuku kimi o sukuenakute Ayasu youni nemuraseta ano toki
CHORUS 1 Shuumakue mukau hizashi no naka Mabushisugita ashita ga mienai Furimuita kimi wa toki o koete mitsumeteiru Adokanai Shoujo no mamaTranslation: Faint transitory sign of beauty Without destroying it I quietly held it close
In the moon's hiding place Searching taking in the pain of fate
The worry draw wear unnoticed stands in the way driven to the wall Touched by the entrance of sadness
CHORUS 1 In the sunlight heading towards the end Way too glaring, tomorrow can't be seen The you that looked back, beyond time Is gazing just like an innocent girl
In these arms awakening Your sadness is nothing but so sad
Before the point of maddening, I yearn for you Always be by my side, so I'll never be separated from you
CHORUS 2 Coloured by the sin raining down incessantly In the dried path keep on wandering This love is touched by no one I fear that it is a turning against God
The you in the mirror, with that upside down smile The breaking thread of dreams spun together is cut
CHORUS 3 Eternally sinking in that prayer Not even one answer, the water surface is swaying The crumbling you isn't saved In order to dandle you, you were put to sleep at that time
CHORUS 1 In the sunlight heading towards the end Way too glaring, tomorrow can't be seen The you that looked back, beyond time Is gazing just like an innocent girlno matter they say, you know i'll stand by your side... i'll never give up... i'll stay in love with you... not only until i take my last breath but even after death...
posted at
9:12 AM
Sunday, July 24, 2005
i really hate myself whenever i lose my temper... i become obsessive-compulsive and i lose control of myself... yesterday was one of my worst days ever... it wasn't supposed to be that way... i was with the girl i love, for crying out loud! but certain factors ruined everything... kuya anton, i hate you for being the jerk that you are... i hate you for putting me through the very same agony that my mom does every single time i'm alone with her... i hate you for saying stuff that you weren't supposed to say and doing practically everything that i find annoying... you put me in a situation where you know i won't be able to counter your silly attacks... you have no idea how much i want to kill you right now... heart, i hate you for being the immature child that you are... i hate you for not doing anything to save me from the idiot that is also known as your boyfriend... i hate you for staying quiet and playing ignorant to everything that has been happening around you when you know very well what pisses me off... i guess that's how much you love him - you'll let your friend get tortured... kuya aidz, i'm mad at you for judging me according to my actions... you hardly know me and you have the nerve to tell me such things?! you don't even know the whole story! plushie, i ain't mad at you... not at all... i just didn't expect you to go with kuya anton's insanity... i didn't expect you to snap right back at me for saying the wrong things at the wrong time... i didn't expect you to strike me at my weak point - my heart... but i guess it was all for the sake of having a great time... i'm really sorry, plushie... i know its all my fault and i understand you... i'm sorry for acting the way i did, for giving them wrong ideas about us... i just really missed you a lot and i was really psyched to be with you again that i forgot to control myself... yesterday was like a trip back to my old life, when i was abandoned by everybody for being me... but that was yesterday, not tonight... i could never change what has already happened... Careless WhisperGeorge Michael/Hyde of L'arc-en-ciel I feel so unsure, As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor. As the music dies... Something in your eyes, Calls to mind a silver screen, And all those sad goodbyes.
Chorus: I'm never gonna dance again, Guilty feet have got no rhythm. Though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool.
I should have known better than to cheat a friend, And waste the chance that I'd been given. So I'm never gonna dance again, The way I danced with you.
Time can never mend, The careless whispers of a good friend. To the heart and mind, Ignorance is kind... There's no comfort in the truth, Pain is all you'll find.
Chorus I'm never gonna dance again, Guilty feet have got no rhythm. Though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool.
I should have known better than to cheat a friend, And waste the chance that I'd been given. So I'm never gonna dance again, The way I danced with you.
What am I without your love?
Tonight the music seems so loud, I wish that we could lose the crowd. Maybe it's better this way, We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say.
We could have been so good together, We could have made this last forever... But now, who's gonna dance with me? Please stay. (Alternatively): And now it's never gonna be That way...
Chorus Now that you're gone Now that you're gone Now that you're gone Was what I did so wrong? So wrong that you had to leave me alone?you guys really ruined my day like hell... i don't even think i'd want to go out with you all again... i'd prefer to be alone with my plushie... i could only hope and pray that that traumatic day won't ever happen again... have faith in me, plushie... i won't let them misjudge you... i'll protect you... they really crossed the line this time and i'm gonna make them pay...
posted at
1:07 AM
Thursday, July 21, 2005
after more than a month, my school life's all fucked up... more than half of my professors hate me for being the jerk that i am and i'm gonna get an FA sooner or later because i always come to class late... yeah, late... i haven't been cutting classes that much lately... for a change, i guess... things back at my place ain't doing so good either... my folks are still on my case, especially my mom... what can i say? she'd rather have me rushed to a hospital because of overfatigue than to let me stay at the condo because she'll miss me... pretty selfish of my mom, huh? maybe she doesn't realize that her favorite son hasn't had any sleep for the past month, is about to turn into a walking skeleton (i hardly have time to eat) and will soon die if this continues... what the fuck am i gonna do with excellent grades if i end up dead anyway? i've been thinking about that a lot lately, especially when i'm on my way to school... and when that thought comes into my mind before i go to bed, i can't help but glance at my "stuff" - the guns, knives, blades, my lighter... you know what i mean... but of course i dismiss that idea immediately... still, i can't help it... good thing my plushie's around to keep me sane... she's the only reason why i'm still here... and the things i'm looking forward to doing with her... *insert evil laugh here* okay, i'm just playing... sorry, must be the effect of listening to malice mizer songs... namely... Beast of BloodThe future dyed in fresh blood... my tortured senses
Place of silence, moving shadows Crimson eyes are strangely gleaming in the darkness Madness starting to awake Playful desire starving of blood Get down limitless night
Beast of Blood
Along with the scream from the death throes Sharp claws are shining brighter Dually obscene breaths continues And rips apart the silence of the night Crossing the uplifty night Get down limitless night
Beast of Blood
The scent of blood intertwined around my breath, Floats about the air on this night of esctasy The future dyed in fresh blood... my tortured senses The scent of blood intertwined around my breath, floats about the air on this night of ecstasy
Beast of Blood
No fear, no sadness Lofty life is tasting loneliness and eternity And near by the target with no more life Red drops on my greedy lips Falls down on the freezing ground Get down limitless night
Beast of Blood
Spills blood on me 'til it fills my body
The scent of blood intertwined around my breath, Floats about the air on this night of ecstasy The future dyed in fresh blood... my tortured senses The desire gushing out of the cold body is wet with red blood Screams of desire resound on this night... my senses throb sharply
The scent of blood intertwined around my breath, Floats about the air on this night of ecstasy The future dyed in fresh blood... my tortured senses
Beast of Bloodjust a bit of S&M on my part, i guess... haha! a bit... yeah right, josh... haha!
posted at
4:40 AM
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
being the "prince of lies" is getting into my nerves... that reputation is bringing me into eternal damnation! okay, so i lie my way to get what i want... but it doesn't always work that way... i know when to lie and i know when to tell the truth... yeah, yeah, i know how to tell the truth... believe it or not... you guys can question my credibility but not what i feel... i'm always honest when it comes to that aspect... still you guys don't believe me no matter how many times i say so... maybe i should just stay silent forever... or maybe i should just let them believe what they want... they would never let me prove them wrong anyway...
posted at
5:19 AM
Friday, July 15, 2005
i've always defined "hell week" as that whole fucked up week in school when you're supposed to defend your thesis and you have no darn idea exactly which day of that week you're gonna be grilled by the panelists... guess i made up the wrong definition for that term... time to rewind... as soon as mom got home, i begged her to cuff both my hands to my bedposts - or anywhere else that she thinks would suit me... she kinda stared at me blankly at first but she eventually gave in... my mom would never refuse me... she did exactly what i asked her to do... and i can't be any more pleased... this happened the whole week... every single night, she would place the handcuffs around my wrists after making sure that i've already finished my school work... for once i wanted those handcuffs... i used to despise them but now i am glad that they are around - not to physically torture me but to actually save me... i begged for the handcuffs to make sure i won't be seduced by the gun in my closet or the blade in my drawer - to kill myself...
posted at
3:38 AM
Monday, July 11, 2005
Kahit paHale Muling Lalapit Ang liwanag sa paligid At ang tinig Na sa akin nagsasabing
Hindi mapipigil ng mundo Papatunayana ang pangako
Dahil kailangan ka Kailangang pakita natin tayo'y iba At kahit pa Hindi papapigil sa mundo At sa umagang darating Lahat ay aking kakayanin
Huwag mong isispin Ang mga harang sa atin At ang ihip ng hangin ay darating
Bigla lang titigil ang mundo At ang lahat ay maglalaho
Dahil kailangan ka Kailangang pakita natin tayo'y iba At kahit pa Hindi papapigil sa mundo At sa umagang darating Lahat ay aking kakayanin At kahit pa ikaw lang at ako
Hindi ko man hawak ang panahon Maging ang ikot ng buhay Basta't ikaw at ikaw pa rin Ikaw at ikaw pa rin
Dahil kailangan ka Kailangang pakita natin tayo'y iba At kahit pa Hindi papapigil sa mundo At sa umagang darating Lahat ay aking kakayanin At kahit pa ikaw lang at akogot that? understood? good... 'cause i ain't letting this one go... i'm still psyched to prove them wrong...
posted at
5:06 AM
Friday, July 08, 2005
okay, so my latest suicide attempt was foiled... again... not that i'm frustrated about that... i'm just wondering why it keeps happening... but i think i know now... its because i live for someone... and she lives for me too... that's more than enough to keep here, ain't it? next up... guys, do me a favor... visit this site >>> do a noble thing and make someone really happy... if you can't do something about it, at least spread the word... just like what i'm doing right now...
posted at
6:27 AM
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
depressed? probably yes... damn it... it sucks that things between my plushie and i ain't doing so good lately (too many misunderstandings) and school's being such a drag... so why does my family have to make things worse? i'm still not talking to my dad and i think he has already given up on me... he got sick recently and i didn't even give a damn... why the hell should i? damn it... this fucked up house ain't something you built just so you can come home to it whenever your bitches turn their backs on you! we're your family, you imbecile! mom's getting on my case too... she thinks i've been messing up in school again... okay, i did cut a few classes last week and she's pretty paranoid that i'll get a damned FA sooner or later... she even yells at me every night for not doing my chores... read: i haven't had any sleep for almost a week now because of my homework! i don't stay up all night for nothing! why the hell can't you understand that? and you hate me for getting up late in the morning... what do you expect? i haven't had any sleep! more reason for me not to go home... my bedroom's useless since i don't sleep (even if i do, it will be for just 2 hours or so) and all my stuff are scattered on the floor... my sisters aren't much of a help since they've got their own academic problems to deal with... what really pisses me off is that my folks keep arguing night and day and they end up pouring out all their anger and frustrations on me... i really love that dark isolated room... and i still love my folks... depressed... and pressured...
posted at
6:39 AM
Sunday, July 03, 2005
as a dancer i've always danced to the music perfectly and with ease whatever the rhythm may be
except for rock.
in one competition i joined i danced with you.
we were the perfect couple.
the dips and twirls under the spotlight together with the crowd we amazed them
the music kept playing varying, different genres and we never failed to wow the audience
until rock played.
we slipped and failed to sway we we very off-beat it was then i realized we crashed together
it was my last competition. it became my last dance.
i hope it won't be the same for you.i refuse to apologize... what for? i've already let you down, i ruined your trust - the kind of trust that the prince of lies doesn't deserve yet you still gave, because you loved me... yes, loved... because after what i did, i don't expect you to still love me... i broke my promise, just like any other promise i've made to you... though i didn't mean to, i lied once again... i didn't want to but i got so scared of how you will react once i told you the truth... the child in you hates being lied to... to think that it is such a simple request - you want me to stop lying and begin to fully trust you - that means so much to you... love cannot live where there is no trust... should i think that this feeling i have for you is not love? if it isn't, then what is it? is it a lie just like everything else i said before my revelation? then i'm living a lie... because it is this lie that gives me the will to survive through another agonizing day without you by my side... it is this lie that practically keeps me alive... my love is a lie... i can't blame you for believing that... but please let me at least fulfill one of the promises i made... mom, this is none of your fault... its nobody else's fault but mine... i love you...
dad, see you in hell - unless you start treating mom right...
rayne, you're my best best friend...
beij, dude... dude...
everyone else, don't be a jerk like me...just one more day and it will be over...
posted at
1:32 PM
Saturday, July 02, 2005
the last petal has fallen and i chose to place it above your coffin... do you have any idea how beautiful you are on the other side of the glass? maybe it's just me but you're far more beautiful right now... but nothing can compare to the beauty of my pain... if love is red, then is my blood similar to love? they are of the same color... i will miss looking into your eyes... because no matter how hard i pray that you will open them once again, i know heaven will fall deaf to my plea... you are better off dead anyway... HelenaLong ago Just like the hearse, you die to get in again We are so far from you
Burning on, just like a match you strike to incinerate The lives of everyone you know And what’s the worst you take (worst you take) From every heart you break (heart you break) And like a blade you stain (blade you stain) Well, I've been holding on tonight
[chorus] What’s the worst that I could say? Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long not goodnight
Came a time When every star fall Brought you to tears again We are the very hurt you sold And what’s the worst you take (worst you take) From every heart you break (heart you break) And like a blade you stain (blade you stain) Well, I've been holding on tonight
[chorus] What’s the worst that I could say? Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long not goodnight
Well, if you carry on this way Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long not goodnight
Can You Hear me Are you near me Can we pretend To leave and then We’ll meet again, when both our cars collide
[chorus] What’s the worst that I could say? Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long not goodnight
Well, if you carry on this way Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long not goodnight
posted at
10:42 PM
.[#].[Pictures].[#].
.[#].[Credits].[#].
This skin was created by Grace Teoh.
The image was found somewhere on the Internet a long time ago. If you are the owner or you know who it belongs to, please let
me know. I will add your name here to the list of credits. ;)
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