Friday, December 31, 2004
so dad and i haven't been in good terms lately...
he's been on my case all week, noticing my every move and using it against me... i mean, even the way i hold my chopsticks?! oh for the hatred of hell! i've been holding the sticks that way all my life!
i've used the spoon and fork whenever he eats with us eversince...
i try to understand him, thinking that he's just all stressed out from work... plus all the stuff that he's gotta pay for by next year... my sister's grad ball's coming up and that will definitely cost him a lot (knowing how my sister dresses up)...
but to pour his temper on me? yeah right...
last night really pissed me off... i decided to try out the new coffin he got for me... so i slept in it for the night... the next thing i know, dad slammed it close... he even locked it... mom had to creep into my room secretly this morning to open it for me...
and lately, he keeps mentioning my brother... like he'd probably make a better son than me... i get the feeling that he's planning on meeting my brother and maybe even let him indulge on the crap he's been showering me eversince...
why dad? time to pay for what you did to my brother?
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!Here is how you matched up against all the levels: Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
posted at
3:42 AM
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
i really don't know what to do... i feel so miserable and there's nothing i can do to even console myself...
i've talked to les and rayne... they told me the same thing... i understand them... they know how i feel about the whole situation and they know how hard-headed i can get...
there's more in me that i need to check on... i psych other people but i can't psych myself... of course, a doctor cannot cure himself... he needs another doctor... and i do need someone right now...
a part of me wants to call on lestat for advice... but knowing him, he won't tell me anything decent... dave? all he wants is death...
i haven't talked to shio for quite some time now... he hasn't dropped by my place all christmas vacation... i know we had a little problem but i'm already over it... i guess he hasn't recovered from the harsh words that i've said to him yet...
++++++++++++++++++++
you represent the end of life. you are cruel and dark and hate people.
What part of life do you represent? ( AWESOME anime pics ^_^) brought to you by Quizilla
posted at
1:01 AM
Thursday, December 23, 2004
did this in taglish... edited by les so it won't sound too co♫o...
shiren and aina... of course, unang papasok sa mind ng isang tao kapag narinig niya ang dalawang pangalan na 'to, super astig na couple (mag-asawa, kilig couple, etc.) kaming dalawa...
si aina? kasi sobrang love na love ko, at dahil sa kanya nagkaron ako ng multiple identities (aside from the other identities na matagal nang nasa akin) - bestfriend, fan, partner in everything, anything under the sun (or sometimes moon)! lahatin ko na!
ngayon the explanation: bestfriend kasi we know almost every bit of ourselves, from the smallest of details... tulungan talaga kami sa kahit saang aspect, mapa-academics, family life, sa favorites saka dislikes, sa problems outside our relationship, at sa mahabang listahan ng etc... araw-araw, never kaming hindi nag-usap kasi hindi talaga complete ang day namin kung hindi kami nakapag-usap (ang sarap sarap makinig sa mga kuwento niya topped with endless lambingan)... eto na, bakit ako naging fan ng girlfriend ko? take note, number 1 fan among many others kasi sobrang idol ko talaga siya... biruin mo naman sa physical aspect pa lang, makalaglag-panga at nakapantitirik ng mata (tinagalog na jaw-dropping at eye-popping) na agad... super complete-pamatay na smile (kinikilig ako lagi kapag nakikita ko smile niya and sobrang savored 'yun ha), the best body kasi nagmemelt ako sa ubod ng ganda ng katawan ng dear gf ko, ang galing-galing pa talaga pumorma (fashionistang baby aside from being a fantastic cosplayer) kaya sobrang hanggang pagtulog nakangiti ako dahil nakita ko siya... siyempre, nandiyan yung ultimate qualities niyang dagdag sa kanyang overflowing beauty... thoughtful kasi she always finds ways to make me feel special, understanding kasi alam niya weaknesses ko but she still loves me unconditionally, creative kasi she finds her own "woah" ways to present her gifts, special something for me na talagang nakakatouch (kept all those... displayed pa sa room ko yung plate niya), very very kind hindi lang sa akin kundi pati ibang people, hindi nauubusan ng pasensiya kahit makulit na ako, may humor pa!
nasa nature ko na yata yung tumanggap ng blessing lalo na't napanalo ko heart niya... and parang track and field... kasi kahit ano pa man ang obstacle na dumating, it's like we're trained to hurdle over them (of course bringing the lesson with us)... sa tagal na namin, yung mga challenges and trials make us grow together, delevop ourselves, share our ideas, understand and accept each other's roles, and especially help us be closer to each other - all leading to utmost love for each other...
amidst all these multiple identities, i am still the simple shiren who has been living life to its fullest because of aina, my ultimate source of happiness, my every heartbeat, and my every reason why i breathe... and please don't ask me why i love her... i just do...
posted at
1:43 AM
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
i've been planning to change the layout but i get too lazy to do it... with all the schoolwork that i've got to finish... damn it...
so, what do we have here?
got another custom-made outfit (which i'm supposed to pick up today) for Christmas... and no, it ain't your typical red and green, hohoho clothes... no way... with les' help, we just came up with something that i'm sure will give my mom a reason to whack me on the head... hehehe... what it is? go figure...
am i supposed to talk about the tarlac trip? alright...
it went great! i love the river... it was pretty darn cold out there but i didn't care... and the kids were a lot of fun to hang out with...
but on the way home, in the bus, damn... that was one thing to remember... i fell asleep because i was really tired (try walking for almost an hour carrying around 6 sacks containing coconuts and stuff like that)... well, this certain person tucked me in... my classmates said that this person kept watch over me all throughout the trip back to manila...
really sweet, huh?
okay, don't think i'm playing the field again because i'm not... i just found the deed pretty sweet... considering that i and that person haven't talked to each other for such a long time...
looks like that person still cares for me...
posted at
2:33 AM
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
just shut up and don't complain... its her rules, not yours...
"show her that you can control her... exercise your authority over her..." so i have been told...
damn it... that ain't an easy thing to do... if i'm my old self, i can definitely follow that advice... but not now... never again...
many times i've asked myself whether i should be the old dude again - cold and bitter... but i can't... i can't even try... and i dare not try...
aaaaarrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!! how stupid can i get? for the hatred of hell...
so much for being in love... what a huge price to pay...
posted at
11:45 PM
i wasn't expecting to earn this much in a week...
okay... me and my college friends got into this little business... just selling CDs and VCDs... name it, we'll find it... damn! just two weeks and we already have a lot of orders! jeez... my friend (who is tasked to do all the CD burning) was complaining to me all day... he said i should get my own CD burner so i can help him out with the stuff...
yeah right...
well, my biggest nightmare has just happened... the stupid school guidance counsellor has just offered to give me psych sessions every week starting next year... i just made a very wrong move of talking about my "passions"... what happened? she checked my bag and confiscated my "special stuff"... at least she promised to return it to me at the end of the semester...
but the brat prince ain't goin down...
posted at
1:45 AM
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
i've been in a very bad situation lately... this must be the turn of the tides! yeah right...
first off, mom's kinda mad at me... though i don't know why... maybe its because she's pissed off regarding the business turn-out lately and she's pouring all the anger at me...
that's alright... if that makes you happy, mom...
second, i almost got killed yesterday when i was on my way to school... i was already late and my mom let me commute without even giving me my allowance! then some insane dude ran after me while i was walking along baclaran... that jerk! he stabbed me! imagine me running and dodging all at the same time... good thing this jeepney passed by and i immediately hopped in... since i had no handkerchief (bad... really bad), i used up almost half of my intermediate pad just to cover my wounds... i wouldn't want to freak out the other passengers... i got into the classroom as bloody as hell... my uniform was already red...
at least it saved me from my terror prof... she let me take a special exam tomorrow afternoon (wednesday)...
and today, for the hatred of hell, i expect to flunk the practical exam that i spent the whole night studying for... i hardly slept! and guess what, all of my answers to the quiz were just guesses... yeah, all guesses! serious case of mental block...
there's always a next time...
lately, my shobe (not rinoa) has been tripping on me... she's been casting spells on me... she said its for me to be a good guy... for me to stop crying like a baby whenever i get emotionally hurt or when i get frustrated... i don't know if it's working since i don't really believe in that stuff... i'll just wait and see...
on another note, the band's off to a good start... sure, we're kinda out of the underground world with the weekly gig and it's kinda picking up... and dad has this little Christmas gift for me (dad? Christmas? since when did he believe in Christmas?)... he sent the band's demo to his friend in okinawa, who is sort of a talent scout for a recording company in japan... his friend liked our demo and offered us a 3-record deal, but we have to do it in japan... martin's psyched about it but justin and JR aren't... me? i'm neutral...
posted at
2:16 AM
Monday, December 06, 2004
side comment:
Putang ina! ano? personalan na ba? sige! sasabayan kita pare! hindi kita uurungan! alam ko namang nababasa mo 'to eh! pasaway ba ako? magsawa ka sa tindi ng bad trip na ibibigay ko sa'yo! lintik! baka sa sobrang galit mo, tumangkad ka bigla! square na lang tayo para tapos na agad ang problema mo!
let me just put here a little conversation i had with my cousin les last saturday night... this really distracted me all day...
les: bakit hindi mo pa siya nilapitan kanina? ang liit nung venue! walang pakialamanan yung mga tao! nag-sayang ka na naman ng gas ng kotse para lang titigan siya...
me: i'm not yet ready
les: ano? eh kailan pa? tarantado! halos isang taon na kayong magkakilala, 6 months mo nang girlfriend, hindi ka pa ready para harapin siya?
me: i already told you my reasons why...
les: kaya niya naiisip na ako ikaw eh! gunggong ka kasi!
me: i know...
les: tapos sasabihin mo lagi na insecure ka... na takot kang may makilala siyang iba... eh kung hindi ka ba naman isa't kalahating gago... ang dami-dami mong chances, ayaw mo i-take yung opportunity... magmukmok ka diyan mag-isa mo!
me: come on... what can't you understand?
les: lahat!
me: (i just continued reading)
les: (she took the book from my hand) isipin mo 'to ah! kunwari nililigawan ko siya... pare, ang dami kong puwedeng sabihin para splitan ka niya! ang dali mong siraan! puwede kong sabihin na niloloko mo lang siya, pinapaasa mo lang... eto pa... isipin mo na lang kung may biglang magsabi sa kanya ng ganito, "bakit ka pa ba naghihintay sa taong ayaw naman magpakita sa'yo? nandito naman ako"
me: stop it les... she isn't like that... i know her... and for pete's sake, i trust her...
les: gago! hindi ko siya sinisiraan... ang point ko dito, harapin mo na siya bago siya ma-brainwash ng kung sinong demonyo diyan sa tab-tabi... teka, ano nga ba pakialam ko sa'yo? lovelife mo naman yan... hindi naman ako ang mawawalan ng girlfriend...
i kept thinking about that conversation in my every class... okay, les has a point... i mean, she only wants me to do what my girlfriend has always wanted me to do...
a marriage proposal is not enough... i have to show up to her soon if i really want her to believe that i love her...
posted at
6:37 AM
Sunday, December 05, 2004
fragments of myself are scattered along the dusty pavement... i don't have time to look at them one by one but i have the time to reflect about how these fragments came about...
certain pieces broke my heart, a few made me cry and several plastered a smile on my face... but together, these parts make up who i am now...
i admit i have changed... a lot of people have noticed it... i have lost the mystery that has always been the source of my charisma and with it came forth the transparent version of myself... they say that they can now see through me and predict what my next move will be... although i do not know if i should see that as good or bad...
this may not be the better version of the old one but i like it just as well... maybe this is my self-inflicted punishment for faking my death...
the pieces are still on the dusty pavement... maybe in due time, i will pick them up one by one...
posted at
6:08 AM
.[#].[Pictures].[#].
.[#].[Credits].[#].
This skin was created by Grace Teoh.
The image was found somewhere on the Internet a long time ago. If you are the owner or you know who it belongs to, please let
me know. I will add your name here to the list of credits. ;)
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