Wednesday, November 30, 2005
i know what i did was way out of line... God, it was so wrong... you trusted me but now, i feel like i don't deserve that trust... after all that we've been through, it seems like i haven't learned my lesson well enough... but after two days of thinking things over, conditioning myself mentally and emotionally, and concentrating all my energy in my heart, for the love of heaven, i'm ready... all that i ask is for you to trust me once more... i know it won't be an easy thing for you to do but have faith in me... i won't let you down no more... i don't want to say anything else... i'd rather put it all into actions... i love you... i hope you still believe that...
posted at
9:28 AM
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
i told her everything that i could say... and believe me, it wasn't easy... this looks and feels so familiar... simply because it has happened before... the situation dragged me on to drastic but stupid measures... i flirted, entertained and tolerated this other girl's feelings for me even if i already had a girlfriend by my side... all because she was never around to look after me... all because she was too scared to let her feelings show... all because she knew her family doesn't like me for her... i knew i was wrong but i was too much of a coward to tell her what i've been doing behind her back... so when she found out from a mutual friend, she left me... and i can't blame her for doing so... now that i'm getting the feeling that history might repeat itself, i'm already allowing myself to dwell in misery...
posted at
6:12 AM
Friday, November 25, 2005
here i go again... damn it.. how many times do i have to go through this? its the same old story anyway! i always find a reason to feel this way when its totally uncalled for... frankly, it sucks! because i'm giving myself problems that i know i should not even be worrying about! i'm actually the one creating the mess when everything is going right... for the hatred of hell... i'm killing myself again...
posted at
12:55 PM
Sunday, November 20, 2005
i can't remember how many times i have tried to leave her... you know, those "spark of the moment" things when you suddenly want to do something or want it to happen, only to regret it in the end? that's what i usually go through... i let my anger get the best of me though i always tell people to never make decisions when you're mad... fury is blinding, confusing - no matter how much you try to reason out with yourself... you know what's weird? it was "her" who made me realize how wrong i was... she talked to me about it, and told me how stupid it was for me to walk away from my once in a lifetime... would you believe me if i say i even consulted phoebus about it? i don't know, i just got a chance to talk to her the night after i made my stupid decision... she practically said the same thing - that it was something only a jerk would do... then she said the deciding factor, "don't let history repeat itself... you lost me before and it made your life miserable... then she happened... don't you think God's giving you another chance at happiness? think about it... don't let her slip away... don't let yourself go back to your miserable world - maybe even worse..." going back wasn't easy... i've got pride to consider and its a big factor in my life... but damn it, they were right... once in a ifetime is truly only once in a lifetime... how many lifetimes do i have anyway? what chance is there that i'll find her again? how many chances do i have with true love? this could be the one... wait... scrap that... she is the one...
posted at
9:15 AM
Thursday, November 10, 2005
maybe its about time that i accept that i'm just not really the one for you... so there's no need for me to even try to be one... i can't make you change your ways... you don't have to do it for me... but i was hoping you could do it out of love for me... simply out of love... did that love even exist? or was i just dreaming and now i've woke up to find out the truth? or maybe i'm the one person who will always be deprived of love... always out of love... i guess old habits really do die hard, huh? then i guess its a good thing that my old habits haven't completely died yet... they're all just back there, waiting for me to embrace them again... thanks for bringing me back to the reality i have always known...
posted at
9:48 AM
Friday, November 04, 2005
i feel more alone than ever... i really don't think everything's okay... somehow, something at the back of my head keeps telling i'm going back to the dark abyss where i belong... and its going to happen soon... last night was pure torture... i tried to psych myself the best way i can... when i got frustrated, i almost pounded my head with a hammer, literally, for being so stupid, so weak, so pessimistic... the night felt longer than usual and i actually begged for sunrise in hopes that the new day will change things and how i feel... unfortunately, it didn't... without any sleep, i began my day... i tried to take my mind off things by drowning myself in j-rock, like i always do... its just that this time, it didn't work... nothing could take my mind off it... minutes turned into hours... after about 50 j-rock songs and one section of the kitchen raided, i gave up... and its only 10 AM! i gave in to the urge and let this sadness get the best of me... i cried my heart out while trying to fight the biggest temptation of my life... that's exactly what i'm still doing until now... check the time, folks! "...and she said"... yes Hyde, you do have a way with your lyrics... they always hit the mark...
posted at
11:02 PM
.[#].[Pictures].[#].
.[#].[Credits].[#].
This skin was created by Grace Teoh.
The image was found somewhere on the Internet a long time ago. If you are the owner or you know who it belongs to, please let
me know. I will add your name here to the list of credits. ;)
Codes were taken from all over the internet and if you think you see a code that's yours, let me know and I'll add your name to this list of credits.
|