each time i close my eyes, i can smell her scent... that very pungent smell... oh... how can i forget? it was so seducing... tempting... inviting... as if it was telling me to take her... i reliquished her scent as she darted past me for several times...

for weeks i trailed behind her, watching her every move... and whenever i gaze at her face, i cannot help but lick my lips, wishing that i can it upon hers...

finally, i seized my moment... i gathered up my courage and approached her... i asked her if she wants to spend the evening with me... imagine how my heart leaped when i heard her say "yes"...

where i took her, only the heathen gods know... being with her was a feeling i cannot explain... there was excruciating pain in my chest whenever she talks to me...

but the minute i felt her warmth, it was beyond any mortal sensation... i held her close to me, savoring what could be my only time with her... i knew she love it... i can tell her by the way she moaned...

what excited her the most was when i pressed my lips upon her neck and pierced her flesh... i took the fountain of life from her... i drank like a lunatic, drowning in ecstasy... i felt her fingers sink into the flesh of my back... she whispered to me, telling me not to stop...

i dared not to...

one thing was going inside my mind all the time... if i take her life now, that would be the end of her and the end of my Source... and it was only from her that i ever felt like this...

i chose to let her live, meaning to come back to her again and again... to have another taste of her...

===============================================================

here's a eulogy (they all think i'm dead, remember?) that my shobe wrote for me... this really made me cry rivers of tears...

October 5, 2004 7:02 AM

Sebastian Josherie Valmont (July 16 1986 - Oct 3 2004) We'll miss you...

to any one of Kuya Reaver's friends... especially at
Filcosplay...

He's gone... believe it... please pray for him... I'm
begging you please!

I call him kuya Reaver... nung una akala ko spoiled
brat sya lalo na Fil-Am... pero dumating yung time
na nagka-problem ako... kahit hindi kami "close" ...
he PMed me na sabihin sa kanya yung prob ko...
knowing him as a "proffessional", I did... dun nag-
start yun... I was going to call him... Kuya Soul
LOL... but he said it'd be better if I call him Kuya
Reaver of Raziel...so dun nagsimula 'yun... he
became on of my best "kuyas" palagi nya akong
kinakamusta... dinadaldal... pinroprotektahan... in
short... he was..or rather still IS a brother to me...
first cosplay ko ... pumunta sya kahit may other
plans sya, malayo pa nga ung pinanggalingan nya
eh...at sa second cosplay ko... may defense sya...
pero pumunta pa 'rin... after every cosplay ko...
may congrats and "I'm so proud of you" ako galing
sa kanya... chika-chika tungkol sa
cosplay...ganun... tapos kapag may girl
prob 'yan... may PM 'yan saakin saying na "naiiyak
na daw sya" chuva... ... ... nag-deal kasi kami na
sasabihin ko sa kanya ung boy probs ko... tapos
tulungan ko sya sa girl probs nya... so ganun
kami... tapos hindi ko namalayan na mas close pa
sya saakin kesa sa iba kong kuya... kahit na hindi
pa kami nag-kikita... usap lang sa phone... post
lang sa forums.. ganun... sobrang hindi
lumalampas ang araw na hindi ako nag-Fi2lcosplay
dahil aside from the fact na I want to be updated...
gusto ko makipag-chikahan... lalo na kay kuya.
Kapag naka-online 'yan... I know I'll never be bored
kapag naka-log-in ako sa FC... tapos I was never
afraid kung mei mang-away saakin... kasi alam ko
nandyan sya... may promise pa nga sya na mag-
sha2re kami ng mooncake eh... di pa kasi ako
nakaka-tikim nun... hehe... tapos sabi nya
babantayan nya ako ... lalo na kapag-nag-cosplay
na ako ng dark Chii... ... ... hindi ko matanggap na
wala nang tatawag saakin ng shobe... AT AYAW
KO NA MAY IBA 'PANG TUMAWAG SAAKIN
NUN! ... hindi ko ma-take na... nawalan ako ng
kuya... even though we're not related... I would've
preffered to be his real sis... I can't imagine this...
hindi ko alam gagawin ko... mahal ko si kuya...
hindi ko alam na ganito mangyayari... I'm so
sorry... my life's never going to be the same... I
love him so much... na-mi2ss ko na sya... ayaw ko
maniwala na wala na sya.. pero totoo... I've never
been hurt like this.. I want to be absent in
school... pero I can't ... sya lang ang nasa-isip ko
ngayon... tokwa naman! Bakit pa kasi before
testing days eh! Anong isasagot ko sa exam!
Nawawala yung focus ko!!! ... pero... still ... kahit
ayaw ko maka-kita ng spirit... I want to see him...

Dapat mag-ki2ta pa kami for the first time... siguro
sa next cosplay ko.. dapat mag-sha2re pa kami ng
mooncake.. pro2tektahan nya pa ako... mag-bigay
ng opinion kapag may ranting ako sa skul ko...
hindi na ata matutupad 'to ... ... walang papalit kay
kuya...kahit-kailan... he's really special para
saakin... hindi ko kaya na ganito ang nagyari...
pero kung buhay sana sya... he'd be here to
comfort me kung ganito ang situation ko... kahit
online lang... I'll forever be thankful na bago
nangyari 'to lahat... na-meet ko sya... kasi there's
no other like him... hindi na ata ako makaka-tulog
mamaya... kailangan ko pa pumasok para sa
Living Rosary... i-ooffer ko ang pagiging rep ko sa
kanya... pero hindi lang iyon... dahil he deserves
more... wahh.... bakit ganun... *sigh* miss na miss
na miss na miss na miss na miss na miss na miss
na miss ko na sya... I'll be good in my studies pa
cguro... hehe... kasi palagi nya akong kino-comfort
kapag sinasabi ko na hindi ko na kaya... i-
de2dicate ko sa kanya... ^_^ ... grabe... basang-
basa na panyo ko... shet... maga nanaman mata
ko bukas... 'di ko pa nagagawa HW ko... ...^_^
hehe... *sigh*

Check nyo account nya sa friendster ko... AC
ShirenReaver...

i really love that kid... she means a lot to me... i'll talk about her next time...