i refused to do anything, say anything... i just sat there like the very idiot that i am and watched everything happen...

i've always known that this is going to happen... its part of the cycle... the damned cycle of my damned love life... to date josh valmont means getting yourself into such huge trouble sooner or later...

just like now...

les whacked me pretty hard the whole day... she kept on giving me her usual sermons... almost cut me with a knife even... but i didn't budge... i didn't want to...

les: kumain ka nga! parang tanga 'to!
me: ayoko nga...
les: kaya nga pinasarapan ko yung ulam tapos tatanga ka lang diyan? kahit kailan talaga gago ka!
me: thank you dude...
les: *whacks me with her phone* babasagin ko 'to sa ulo mo!
me: go ahead...
les: you're really hopeless!

no breakfast, no lunch, no dinner... i didn't even drink water... i just stayed infront of the pc all day like a geek...

after the party for les' mom that evening, i went straight to the bedroom... i didn't even bother changing my clothes... but something caught my attention: les' offical slashing blade... it was right there on top of her drawer... in the condition that i was in, i didn't hesitate to take it... i jumped out of bed and went outside, under the beautiful night sky, as usual... i was about to slash myself like crazy but my cousin caught me... she snatched the blade from my hand and whacked me... again...

i know i ain't supposed to hurt myself... but i hate this... why do i always tend to ruin people's lives? especially those that i really care about? especially the one i love?

love is a cycle... you'll keep falling in and out of love, getting hurt and learning lessons in the process... so when you finally come across the one meant for you, you'll deserve each other in more ways than one...

love ruins you in order to make you whole...

well, that's where the experience comes in...

plushie, i'm sorry... i'll try not to do it again...

keep those sharp pointed objects away from me...